Childhood

Tiba2 inget waktu aku masih kecil dulu
Entah kenapa itungannya sering demam, biarpun kadang cuma "kangen dokternya"
Dan kalo udah sore, mesti aku tidur di kamar mamaku
Habis itu mamaku bakal masuk, terus minumin obat & ngompres
Terus kalo udah malem, biasanya disediain makanan anget berkuah terus disuapin gara2 susah makan
Entah kenapa, kangen masa itu

Pernah?

Pernahkah kamu takut, sampai seluruh badanmu seperti menggigil?
Pernahkah kamu takut, sampai secara tidak sadar air matamu menetes?
Aku pernah, baru saja.
Aku pikir aku tidak memiliki ketakutan yang sebesar itu.
Namun ternyata pengalamanku memberi dampak yang lebih besar dari yang kuperkirakan.
Aku tidak tahu lagi harus berbuat apa.
Hanya bisa meringkuk di kasur dan berusaha mengalihkan pikiran.
Aku takut. Mungkin lebih tepat disebut trauma.
Dan aku tidak tahu cara mengatasinya.

A doll

A doll isn't suppose to feel anything.
It's just sit there, wait for the master to play with it.
It isn't suppose to has its own will.
Whatever the master want, then the doll must not say anything.
Just sit still.
A doll is not suppose to tell its master what to do.
A doll is not suppose to cry.
Just sit still.

Midnight

It's midnight and dunno why but i wanna post something so, maybe this will be a random post. I chatted with my best bestfriend. We talked about many things. I love to talk about so many things with this person. Let's just call him "A". It's fun and I think that I can talk about anything with A. We often talk about the future. Maybe it's too early to talk about it. But to imagine about the future is somehow interesting. Imagine about how we will be, what are we gonna do for life, who we will meet, what about the people we know, etc. A is an interesting person. A taught me many things, and I think A changed me somehow. We are different, we fight sometimes, but we know that we need each other. I know that things will change. But I wish that A will always be there to listen to my story, to keep me calm, to support me, and to be my best partner, and of course I also hope that I can do the same things to A.

Jadi...

Ceritanya habis baca postingan blog seorang kenalan. Yah, mungkin bisa dibilang temen. Karena pernah ngobrol beberapa kali, biarpun jarang banget bisa ketemu. Dan menurut analisisku (yang entah bisa dipercaya apa enggak), dia itu orangnya berusaha menjalani hidup dengan caranya dia. Ada yang bener, ada yang salah. Tapi dia mau berusaha jadi orang yang lebih baik. Dan mungkin selama ini orang susah deket sama dia karena entah gimana ada image "freak" yang nempel di dia. Tapi sebenernya orangnya baik dan lumayan nyenengin. Dan kalo curhat sama dia, dia juga bisa ngasih nasihat yang bijak kok. Sebenernya pengen sih lebih kenal sama dia. Karena ke"unik"annya itu jadi warna sendiri. Dan, woi! Kita hidup cuma sekali. Harus dimanfaatin juga buat ketemu dan kenal banyak orang dengan berbagai macam sifat mereka. Yang jelas, satu hal yang aku pelajari dari dia adalah untuk nggak pernah takut jadi diri sendiri.

*postingan habis baca blog gara2 ditinggal tidur dan belum ngantuk

Untitled

So, you're the one who told me not to lie. But you lied
You're the one who said that you don't want to see me crying alone. But you made me
You're the one who knows me well. But now i doubt that
You're the one who said that you'll be by my side. But you left me alone
Said that i'm the most important. But no. You're the most important.

Sorry

Sorry for all the trouble i cause to you
Sorry that i made you cry, and not just once
Sorry because maybe i can't be like what you want me to be
Sorry for the hard time you've been through because of me
Sorry because i get angry to you many times
Sorry because you're the only one that i will get mad to when i'm in a bad mood
Sorry i can't understand your feelings